Oh, It's Just Spit in My Eyes

The day started out well. I woke up early so I could read and have a cup of tea before work. All went well until I arrived at the Euro station and learned that the meal today was French Tip Sandwiches. A favorite among diners and loathed by me.

The oil/runoff that the meat is kept in until I throw it on the bread is hot enough to cook the meat and with every sandwich the oil ran down my hand, burning it. After four and half hours of this my shift was over. I already had first degree burns all over my right hand but never mind that, I had to clean up. At which point I dropped the pan of hot stir fry into counter-heater of boiling water, making it splash all over me. This was bad, but I'm used to getting burned during my Euro shift so I wasn't brooding over a bad day yet.

Then my second shift rolled around. I had eaten too much chocolate on my time off and felt sick. Instead of being sent to pots, which I now like because boot-girl is much less awkward than pepper spray-girl (although she doesn't know about the incident), know-it-all, and I-sing-Broadway-all-the-time-but-can't-really-sing-girl. Then, an hour into the shift I dropped a glass and it went everywhere. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal. After all, last week pepper spray-girl shattered a plate last week. But it was because when I break thing and there are big noises I freeze, hands by my head in the "I'm innocent" position. It's just a reflex. And everyone stood there being socially awkward while I smiled sheepishly, unable to lower my arms. Only a few minutes after that I put a glass tray up on the cart and the liquid disgustingness hit me.

By liquid disgustingness I mean the remains of everyone's drinks and their spit that had puddled at the edge of the cart. I set the tray down and it flew at me like a tidal wave. It went down my shirt, all over my face and literally into my eyes. I'm pretty sure I still have milk/juice/spit/soda/coffee/tea mixture still in my eyes. I'll probably get diseases. They'll remove my eyes and I'll be like pirate man. But not nearly as cool just pathetic. At least all I'll get workers comp though.

Now that it's all written down it doesn't seem like such a bad day. So it wasn't. It was just a nasty day. And now it's over. Only a week until I'm back at home drinking slurpees and forcing Alex to make me gluten-free, milk-free waffles. Yumm.

So I'm No Genius.

I never claimed to be the next Einstein but I did think I was smarter than this.

Today was my last shift as BMW Assistant (or Custodian's custodian) and as usual I spent my two hours wasting time with the occasional emptying of a trashcan. Fifteen minutes before the end of my shift I entered the locker room to respond to some texts and slowly change out of my uniform.

Suddenly I was distracted by a pink object on one of the benches. The object was attached to a heavy keychain and I was excited. I had just been looking at the pink thing yesterday. It belonged to one of the girls I do dish with and was too afraid to ask what it was. So, being the only one in the locker room, I picked it up to inspect it.

It was pink and said USA on the side. For some reason my mind said "Perfume!" and I got really excited because I love perfumes. I turned the little nozzle thing away from me an pressed down the button. A spray of pumpkin soupy looking liquid emitted forth and cover the wall. Surprised, but not deterred, I dropped the keychain back onto the bench and stepped forward to see what it was. I leaned in until my nose touched the liquid on the wall and inhaled.

It was pepper spray.

My nose felt like it was going to fall off, my throat burned.

Never, ever inhale pepper spray.

"Im wereyolf. Not joke. Kiss me? CuL8r."

So first I had to pick up Ethan and Alex from the Caldiera-Perry house. Once at the theatre I bought my ticket and Ethan's (because I'm an amazing person) and waited for Alex who returned with amazing mashed potatoes which he stole from the restaurant down the street along with six dollars to buy his ticket. I ate the mashed potatoes, carefully avoiding the gravy and was told very rudely that a certain someone would not be giving me a handmade Christmas present. Unfair! He expects a birthday present and did I get one a month prior? No. Until I get a handmade mirror you are not getting any presents from me. Not even Sherwood Brownies. So there.

Also, while we were waiting for Corbyjane I realized the strange scent I kept smelling was my sweatshirt. Apparently the truce between me and my cat was a fake and she peed in half my clothes and my luggage bag. I am not a happy camper.

Now onto the fun stuff! New Moon. I nearly died mocking you. Everyone knows that I'm not exactly a quiet person especially if we are in a quiet place. Libraries are a prime example, no whispering for me. Also, because I'm Ashley and all around amazing people should look at me and know that their quiet time is over.

We entered the theatre and climbed the far stairs until Corbyjane stopped by a row with four seats available. There were young girls sitting in the row behind and me, thinking only of the response they may have to out heckling, did not want my back facing die hard fans. "No, not here." I hissed, not so quietly. "They might jump us!" I really did mean this because they were fans not because they were Latina and I was in Salinas. I promise.

So instead we sat a few rows up behind a New Moon cougar and some more teenage girls. The movie started with an dream sequence/flash forward thing that was a waste of film aside from establishing that Bella has a fear of aging.

I hate Charlie. All his scenes are painful to watch. The character was annoying enough in the movies but now Charlie is a forty something year old man who is trying desperately to be a teenager with his daughter. Almost to the point that I want to gag and claim incest. "I'm a chronic bachelor." WHAT?! Why do you need to announce that? Once again he proves to be a waste of film and the movie's budget.

Jacob makes his first New Moon appearance and, as expected, you can see where the wig is glued to his tanned forehead. Also just to get this straight. I appreciate that Jacob has a sexy body I give the kid kudos but I don't think that he's worth screaming over. Or creating Team Jacob underwear. Also, I am nineteen and as most know I do not find younger men attractive ever. There is no exception. When I look at Taylor Lautner I see:


with a really nice body. So yeah.

Also, if you are going to make a movie about perpetually marble white people learn to BLEND. The make up on Edward was awful. It was like they ran out on his remarkably large forehead.

At least Bella focuses on more than just "I love you, don't kill me!". Now it's "I love you, kill me so I won't be such a cougar. It doesn't matter that you're a century old." So the protesting Bella goes to a birthday party held by Alice and nearly dies. While opening a present Bella gets a paper cut and instead of saying, "Oh ow. Paper cut," and then sucking on her finger until the bleeding stops she stares at it like she just cut off her hand and it's spraying blood everywhere. And let's face it, it is because fingers have major arteries in them. That's why Jasper tries to kill her and Edward throws her across the room (gently) and she slams into the wall of glass (gently) and loses half her blood from three small cuts in her arm. I won't even tell you that the color of the blood is wrong in every bloody scene. Just because the movie is about bloodsuckers doesn't mean the colors have to be accurate.

This near death experience makes Edward revert back to the "I love you but I'm dangerous" mode and he leads her into the forest to finally kill her. Not. Instead he just spends twenty minutes breaking up with her. Bella, being a moron, takes it all in and just goes along with the break-upage (because if she didn't there would be no plot) and then curls up into a ball and dies. Not. Some shirtless man with glowing eyes finds her. (Wolf, wolf, wolf!)

Let the shirtlessness begin.

October, November and December pass in a matter of second because Bella can time travel now.

Finally Bella is back to real life. And it must be April or May because the snow is gone, why didn't those months spin around her depressed face? Anyway, she goes to Port Angeles and is reckless with a random biker and it draws out the ghost of Edward. Yes he had me fooled too! All this time claiming to be a vampire with a sparkling, red lipped disease but really he's a ghost! This appearance leads Bella to buy motorcycles and convince Jacob to fix them and waste another hour of my time. At least he take off his shirt at one point. Because his entire shirt is a great way to smear some blood over Bella's forehead. "You're sort of beautiful" line sends me into gales of laughter and the epic fans are starting to get annoyed.

So for the past hour Bella has led Jacob on and now she's asked him to the movies along with another guy that I also don't care for. Other guy gets sick and then Jacob has a testosterone spike (he's hit puberty!) and claims sickness too. (Wolf! Wolf! Wolf!)

There's a scene with a chronically shirtless Jacob and Bella standing in the rain and Bella complaining of his hair, tattoo and "what they've done to you". And then Jacob avoids Bella like the plague.

Without Jacob Bella has returned to her nightly screaming (which sounds like a woman in labor). She decides to find the meadow from the first movie and see if that makes ghost Edward appear. It doesn't. And the meadow is dead like their relationship. (Although it's still rainy season in Washington and therefore there is no reason to kill it unless vampires have found a way to feed off of grass blood). But Laurent appears! And he kills Bella! Not. The wolf pack shows up and chase Laurent off. Damn.

Then there's a scene in her room with a chronically shirtless Jacob and Bella complaining of his hair, tattoo and "what they've done to you". No it's not a case of deja vu the writers just wanted to provide the fangirls and cougars with another shirtless scene. Then Jacob returns to avoiding Bella like the plague.

And it takes another hour for Bella the moron to comprehend that Jacob is a werewolf. At least in the books she was able to think of it herself. In the movies Bella is even more dumb and must see Jacob explode into a ball of fur to understand. Unfortunately Jacob does not let wolf-brother kill Bella when she slaps him but at least we get to see some more werewolves! Or not. Just when the movies gets exciting they leave to go to some mountain man's house out in the middle of the woods.

Victoria makes an appearance in the forest and hunts a bunch of weakling humans. (Kill Charlie!) And attacks the other old guy. Wolves appear and there's more slow motion. I thought Vampires were supposed to be fast.

Meanwhile Bella jumps off a cliff fully dressed. And doesn't die. Victoria appears and Bella knocks herself out. Edward appears under water a la Across the Universe. The two are reunited but then someone saves Bella. STUPID JACOB.

Alice, my favorite, reappears. Jacob and Bella almost kiss a billion times. Jacob tries to stop Bella and at this point I was laughing hysterically and telling Bella to just let Edward die. (Corbyjane was mocking Jacob with bad puns.) This is the point that the girls (all of them including the Twilight Cougar) turn around to tell us to shut up in various forms. Which of course just made me laugh more.

Bella and Alice run off to Italy to save Edward (unfortunately) from provoking the vampire president. And guess what? She gets there in time. And saves him. But not before Edward contracts anti-shirt flu and takes his shirt off. Ew. I urged Edward to put his shirt back on but he was too busy paying attention to Bella.

Dakota Fanning made an appearance. And after a fight scene and a long meeting just to establish that Bella's brain is broken the group returns to Forks. Edward returns to his nightly stalking of Bella, all is right with the world.

Blah blah blah.

Edward proposes to Bella. LE GASP. ....

I laughed for about twenty minutes. Partially to hide my face from the epic fans that may want to memorize my face and partially because it was the funniest part of the movie. :]

But Daddy! They Stole My Boot!

On Wednesday I went to see New Moon with Terri which was much better than I expected but still the comedy I was hoping for. The awkward pauses after every word made me laugh and sometimes comment had to be made. I am sorry Terri if I ruined the movie for you. Speaking of you, THANK YOU SO MUCH for the coffee mug!!!!! I didn't realize there was chocolate in it until I went got home and was showing my mum. It made my day all over again.

After the movie I invited myself over to the Caldiera-Perry household as a I typically do. Plus Alex put the idea in my head. And guess what. I got my first slurpee in two months!! Walking into 711 made my day for the third time. I was finally home. And then the blue raspberry slurpee machine was on the fritz and produced blue sugary foam. It was disgusting, so I got an eight ounce cherry slurpee which wasn't nearly as good.

And last but not least (and slightly out of order) I parked in Gail's spot. I know people are tired of hearing that I parked in the parking spot reserved for Gail only, even if she's not in the same country but I'm proud of my daring. So far Gail hasn't hunted me down and tried to strangle me with Ariel appropriate shirts.

Friday.

I slept in for the first time in two months and then I ate toast for the first time in two months. AND IT WAS RAINING!!!!! I then left to mail a package for my mother, buy Aslan (yes the lion of Narnia, played by Terri) and invite myself over to the Caldiera-Perrys' again. We played monopoly (Alex and Thomas are cheaters) and I once again proved that no matter what I always go to jail on the first turn. I think I'm cursed. Or it's a conspiracy. Then we played apples to apples and I was served yummy eggs.

I also learned that my absence from Ariel has led to corruption. Without me Ethan, Corbyjane, and Alex are able to corrupt the minds of children and Nat. It is appalling. Although I will admit it is pretty ingenious.

After I helped eat the remainder of the Caldiera-Perry eggs (sorry about the pumpkin pie) we watched Anastasia on of my all time favourite movies. Let's just be honest for a moment and realize that Anastasia was not shot along with her sisters and brother and burned in vats of acid. No. She was reunited with her Grandmere in Paris and then ran off with the cute guy from the kitchens, Demetri.

After that we played ghost tag, or hide-n-seek in the dark house. I failed miserably at finding people but was well hidden until Alex impaled me with a foam sword and then tried to grab behind the bed into my hiding place. Not cool Alex. I also accidentally hit the cat and one of the dogs.... Ethan scare the bejeebers out of Corbyjane and I laughed. I have never seen a girl freak out so much over a mask and a knife. But then what do I expect from a soprano? [/love]

Corbyjane soon went home, she said she had to house sit a zoo but I'm sure she was just afraid that Ethan would come after her again. Which left me in charge. During the time that I was left in charge and Lori came home. I beat Ethan up (for old time's sake) and almost died when Ethan stole my shoe and I fell to the ground because Nat was unable to support my weight. I then proceeded to threaten Alex and Ethan until my shoe was returned. I then watched a video titled '10 Ways to Kill Ethan' on youtube. It's given me some good ideas.

Saturday will come when my brain is awake enough to process my amazingness (not) at Mad Gab, the yummy fondue, and my nearly getting jumped at New Moon.

This reminds me of Alex. And everyone else who's doing Narnia. Although I think I'd just run into the closet and get lost forget about that science-y stuff.

Experiences So Far

Man: "Hi. Can I have more meat on my sandwich? You know... like a special order!"
Me: "Yes of course! However, we have no cut meat at the moment so if you'd wait---
Man: "No that's okay."

I have to do what the diners ask but can I help it if I enjoy finding the loopholes?
-------
Man: "Did you fix the food?"
Me: "No. I'm not a cook."
Man: "Oh, well then how do I know the food has been made properly?"
Me: "The cooks follow specific guidelines."
Man: "But how do I know that someone hasn't spit in my food?"
Me: "......"
Man: "How do I know that you haven't spit in my food?"
Me: "Well, I can have the cooks make you a sandwich while you stand here and watch if it will put your mind at ease."
Man: "No. That's okay."

The guy takes a sandwich and leaves. I wish I had spit in the sandwiches.
-------
Girl: "These are chicken enchiladas right?"
I look at the sign pointedly.
My head: "No. They're seagull. It's cheaper than chicken and it's much more fresh. However catching it is a pain."
My mouth: "Yes."

They're Trying to Steal My Sanity

People often ask me why the employees of Carrillo don't look happier. Usually I just shrug and blow the question off. After all everyone's different but now I have a solid answer backed by evidence.

It is because the management stole hour music. Most people who eat at Carrillo understand that we are not DLG, Carrillo employees do not like the silence. The music that's always blaring from the dish room or the medley of different radios in the kitchens. Never have i seen anyone complain about the music, in fact I have caught many people dancing to it.

But now we work in utter silence.

Why? Because of the Dragon Jamie. She went on maternity leave and kept reappearing every few days as surprise attacks to make sure we weren't going too crazy with the sour cream. Instead of asking us to turn the radios down to a reasonable decibel she banned all music and then disappeared for good.

On another note her son, Demetri, was due on Friday the thirteenth. Poor child can't help that he's the spawn of the devilwoman.

The Cheese Tried to Murder Me

I work seventeen hours a week. Seven and a half of those hours are spent in one shift cutting fruits and vegetables. If I'm lucky the chef in charge, Andy, will let me take an extra five minutes during one of my two fifteen minute breaks. After work I go to class with my hands a mixture of pink from the cold and orange from the carrots. It's a delight, really it is.

It was after a day like this in which my brain decided it would be fun to impale myself. of course I couldn't cut myself at work where I would receive worker's comp. No. I went home and stabbed myself while literally cutting the cheese.

For the split second the knife entered my hand I had an out of body experience. My brain stared at the knife in my hand and said, "Oh wow. I've never cut myself with a knife before." A split second later I had dropped the knife, jumped up clutching my hand, and ran across the hall to the bathroom followed by a string of obscenities and a call for Brenda to grab a bandaid. After all it was a small cut. No need to worry, just slap a handy dandy bandaid on it.

Wrong.

I stuck my hand under the cold water and the water turned pink in the sink. The bleeding stopped and I pressed gauze to it using, for the first time, my first aid training. The bleeding stopped and I put the bandaid on the little puncture wound.

By then I had made up my mind. I was not going to the ceremony at the sorority house. No, I was going to go eat dinner. I stood waiting for Brenda and Cindy (my arm draped over my head so the cut was over my heart to slow the bleeding) when I noticed red. I looked up to find blood cascading down. So I dashed back to the bathroom now panicking that my hand would not stop bleeding.

Brenda stood in the bathroom trying to help me but unable to do anything but laugh hysterically. Cindy went in search of the RA as student health closed at 4:30 and no one knew what to do after hours.

We called the front desk and they said they had first aid. I assumed this also meant that they had someone who would know how to help. Wishful thinking. When we arrived at De Anza my two least favorite desk attendants sat staring at me. When I told them of my injuty the blonde one stood up and went to a standard metal first aid kit and handed me a roll of gauze and some paper tape.

Me: "I'm allergic to tape."
DA: "...to tape..."
Me: "Yeah."
DA: "..."
Me: "Besides I'm first aid and CPR certified so I know that---"
DA: "Wait, are you having trouble breathing?"
Me: "No..."
DA: "But you mentioned CPR."
Me: "....."

I stormed out of De Anza dramatically.

Eventually though we called dispatch and Cindy told the poor woman that her roommate "had cut herself". They sent a police officer over to ensure that I hadn't been in a knife fight with my block of cheese, since it was a hand injury and soon the ambulance arrived. The paramedic literally couldn't have cared less about my and was more worried I would die from tetanus. Sure I understand if I'd been cutting my cheese with a knife made of rusty barbed wire, but I wasn't.

The ER visit took three hours and involved a lot of waiting, an x-ray, an old nurse who never spoke above a whisper, a tetanus shot, and a close encounter with stitches. Thank you Alyssa, you are the best big ever.

The next day I went into work to hand in my doctor's note which excused me from work for the week. Of course Hyacinth wasn't there it was Jamie, the nine month pregnant dargon lady.

Me: "Hi. Yesterday I cut myself---"
Jamie: "Oh God! Not here I hope!"
Me: "....No...at home."
Jamie: "Good!"
Me: "Yeah... well here's my note."
Jamie: "You'll have to find your own subs. Of course you are excused but it's easier for me if you find your own."
Me: "Riiight..."

And did I find my own subs? No.

Towels, Sheets, and a Suprise!

My mother just visited on her way to San Diego, which made me insanely happy as not only was I glad to see her but she bought me food and brought me the rest of my linens. So the bag of linens sat on my floor for twenty-four hours, while I was too lazy to go through it or even move it.

Today when I got home a sign on my door announced that the 'house-keeper' would be vacuuming my room this afternoon and that I had to remove anything from my floor by one. What a hassle. So I let myself in and decided that I'd put the bag of linens on the top shelf that is barely within reach, even when I stand on a chair. First, though, I decided to go through the bag as I knew there was an ice cream scoop somewhere within. I pulled the towels out and was rather confused to see cream fabric mixed in with my crisp new white sheets. So I pulled out the cream fabric only to find myself holding two shirts. What kind of shirts? Ariel's typical elastic in the neck and wrist, smockesque, can work for anything shirts. Is this Gail's way of telling me I'll never escape the hold Ariel has over my soul? It's a tad bit creepy.

Oh My Gawd I Just About Died!!!!!!!!!!!

Classes were over for the day. I could finally go back to my dorm room and take a nap in preparation for Midnight Madness. As usual I crossed the bike path in front of the HSSB into the Arts area of campus. Then I saw it a small, green banner hanging above the box office windows of Hatlen Theatre. My heart stopped. It read, "Stephen Schwartz Composer of Wicked Today at 3:00pm." It was 2:50 and I panicked. I didn't have any money on me how would I get in? Just as despair filled my life another student asked the price and the girl inside said it was.... FREE!!!!! I pay nothing to see one of my favorite composers/lyricists of all times. After all he's done Prince of Egypt, Enchanted, Godspell, Pippin, Pocahontas, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Children of Eden, Working, The Baker's Wife, and freakin' WICKED! Just to name a few. I mean my list of favorite composers consists of Stephen Schwartz, Hans Zimmer, Alan Menken, and Christophe Beck. And that's about it.

So it was 2:50 and in ten minutes I would be sitting in the same room as Stephen, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Corbyjane. Now, I know it is a bit odd to think of someone else when you're about to meet a legend but I knew that she would want to know. And did she answer? No. So I called my mum. Who, after I informed her of who he was, was excited. And then Corbyjane called back! And I just about jumped up and down and made a fool of myself as I told her.

At 3:02 (yes they were late) the doors opened. I sat three rows from the front dead center, there was no way I was going to miss out on anything. And he entered stage right. My heart just about burst from my chest. I always thought that I'd be really calm when I was around a celebrity but I wasn't. I just about peed my pants (I also had just downed a cup of tea so that didn't help). It was an open forum and I can't even retell how fabulous it was to listen to all the intelligent questions and Stephen's answers. Another near death occurence was when we had almost a conversation and made eye contact. I thought I was going to faint in my seat. No, Corbyjane unfortunately I did not get to ask what his favorite production was but I am assuming it was Pippin. And yes Galinda/Glinda was written for Kristen Chenoweth.

Also, you may be wondering why he was here in little ole' Santa Barbara. Stephen just wrote an opera and guess where it's showing? Opera Santa Barbara for only three performances. I can get tickets for eleven dollars for student rush while general admission is one hundred and eight. So guess where I'll be Sunday. That's right! Watching Seance On A Wet Afternoon.

SB is Infested with Demons! Oh my!

Today(09/20/09) I ventured into Isla Vista, a small college town on the north (I think) side of UCSB. My parents were with me, as they had promised both a meal and a new bike. Plus, after this I wouldn't see them for a while.

But I digress. We decided to eat at a dirty but promising little place across from Embarcadero Hall. While we were looking at the menu (one of those hanging ones that a short person has to practically break their neck to see) the man in front of us recommended the club sandwich. The club sandwich with avocado and all sorts of yummies. It sounded delicious (my mum ordered it). My mother and I thought this man was giving his recommendation because he worked there, or he was a regular and just overly friendly. Turns out he was a regular but also a bit irregular.

My parents and I decided to sit outside, as it was a nice day and and a great place to people watch. We sat three tables away from the Club Sandwich Man and were thoroughly entertained. The Club Sandwich Man's (now CSM because I'm too lazy to write it out) friend came along. Charlie was an old homeless hippie and the two struck up a delightful conversation.

First Charlie bashed Republicans mercilessly, and boy oh boy does he hate the government. This topic led to CSM's diatribe about the cliffs of Santa Barbara. CMS said, "Every month we have some kid die because he's drunk." Okay, not every month but yes Santa Barbarans do seem to like to mix drinking and cliffs. Let me tell you something. Intoxication + cliffs = bad. Easy fix? Stay away. There's plenty of parties despite not being a party school.

CMS continued, "They're at the cliffs drinking in the dark." Stupid people. "Then someone has to take a leak. He can't see the edge of the cligg at night and BAM!" I'm sorry but I'm sure all those accidents are not from needing to pee. Perhaps someone just gave them a gentle nudge. "The school should put solar powered string fences up to keep their students safe." Solar powered string? Huh. "But they don't care about their students." This statement started another rant about the quality of the school.

Just as I thought the remainder of lunch would be boring, CSM began talking about killing someone. "If those laws weren't protecting him I'd take care of him myself." And this my friends led to the best conversation I've heard in a long time. The conversation was about demons.

CSM: "They're everywhere! Yesterday I was in that parking lost and saw one run into that there building! Right through the walls! I caught it on tape! One time I say three school buses full of children, no adults but the bus driver. Demons were latched on the bus swearing! And jumping from car to car. Two dumb girls were walking and one ran right by them. ZOOM! They didn't even see them because they were invisible."

Charlie: "Karma man. It's all because of karma. And the school is built on Indian burial grounds. I got a book all about it."

CSM: "No Charlie, you just aren't listening to me! They yell profanities and no one hears them! They're invisible!"

So demons are real? The Winchester brothers should come to IV and perform an exorcism. And why can't anyone else see these profanity slewing black creatures? Is he sure he's not seeing the people of our generation who seem to think that black is a good color regardless of season and think that a certain word is an adjective, noun, verb, adverb, and expletive all rolled into one?

I don't know perhaps the world is going to hell in a hand basket, but if it is I want to see thses demons before the world is overrun with them. Also, yes Mr. CSM is not all there he twitched and seemed to have some form of turrets syndrome. I am not mocking him so don't get defensive or offended. I am merely telling a story and commenting.

juice ingredients

Why is Snapple Mango Madness juice's third ingredient kiwi juice? Two above mango puree. It just doesn't make any sense.

Pray to the Pagan Nuns and Buddha.

The title of this blog has nothing to do with my making fun of religion. One day in my junior year of high school my friends were looking through a book order catalogue for teachers (and yes we were doing this in the MIDDLE of class not during lunch). And then there is was. Confessions of a Pagan Nun (I know book titles are supposed to be underlined but you can't do that.) by Kate Horsley. "Confessions of a PAGAN NUN?!" I pointed it out and we laughed for a bit. After all a Pagan Nun is an oxymoron and oxymorons are fun.

Since then the three of us (okay mostly Priya and I) make a joke of praying to the Pagan Nuns and Buddha whenever there's a test or something equally as hard.

Also, Buddha is just involved because he's amazing.

pants.

Pants. I don't care for them but I dislike skirts more. There is nothing nice about feeling my thighs rub together when I walk, or a breeze showing off my knickers. The main issue with pants is the size. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am a small person which makes finding pants which fit close to impossible. If they fit in the hips they're too long, and if they're the perfect length they don't fit in the hips; and they never fit in the butt (mainly because I don't have one).

Obviously I resolved to buy the ones that fit in the hips and live with pants that are too long. After all it is easy to hem or cuff them. Then I found American Eagle. Now I'm not saying I condone the high prices of their over rated clothes but when I find a pair of jeans that fit, I'm loyal. So for four years every time a pair of fifty dollar jeans go on clearance I buy them (using a coupon of course! then they only cost me twenty). And every time I was ecstatic to find that the zero regulars always fit perfectly!

Until now. Recently I bought a pair of low-waisted boot cut jeans with a medium blue wash. I already owned this exact pair of jeans but in a straight leg. Obviously they should fit. They didn't. Not only are they about two inches too big in the waist they're too long. As it is American Eagle I assumed they'd shrink so I removed the tags and threw it in the wash. I washed them with hot water and dried them on high. And they were still too big. Unfortunately now I had to keep them. I could live with wearing a belt, as I usually wore one anyway but the length was annoying the living daylights out of me.

I bought the pants for their thirty-two inseam, instead I got a thirty-six. 36! That's a whole four inches! I understand the pants being an inch or less off, after all nothing perfect but four whole inches?! Insanity. Never again will I buy American Eagles crap (unless it's really cute or on sale...) I will buy all my pants at Macy's, or Charolette Russe, or Forever21 or Abercrombie (okay not Abercrombie because their massively expensive).

Things I Found While Packing For Life

7 AP study guides
1 chemistry textbook
3 doublesided French Star Wars posters
1 never been used Ariel yellow bag
1 elementary school language arts textbook from Miss Nelson is Missing
5 Ariel show programs
6 scripts including: Narnia, 12DP, Frog and Toad, Snow White, Wizard of Oz, Miss Nelson Has a Field Day
1 decorated notebook from Mr. Mandon's seventh grade English class
1 pair of Steve Madden high heels, size eight
1 guide to the graphing calculator that I never did understand

Residence Assignments.

Forgive me, this is a bit old.

Two names, two phone numbers. that's it. Just two names to tell me who my room mates are. How can I know from such little information? Judging a person by their first name is like judging a book by it's cover.

Cindy, a rather exotic but generic name. She could be anything. A serial killer. Really, she could be anything at all. Brenda is a bit more descriptive, more original. Just by her name she seemed less murderous. I had known both a Cindy and Brenda in high school. Both were very sweet, but these two girls could be the exact opposite.

There is other information on my residence assignment letter such as where I'm living; the quad, the house, the floor, the room, but none of that matters while those two names peer at me from their place at the bottom of the page with their ten digits. At least a last name would allow me to look them up on facebook and see if their normal.

One and a half weeks later I still haven't called them. Fear grasps me every time I see that letting sitting on my bedside table. I continually find excuses not to call, but now I must. With my heart fluttering in my chest I pick up the letter and my phone and dial the top number, Cindy's. (They could have done it alphabetically, Brenda then Cindy but no. That would be too kind to those of us with OCD.) The phone plays me some song I've never heard of until it clicks. Someone has answered! I inhale preparing to introduce myself by phone, to a stranger, when I hear a recorded voice telling me that the person I am trying to reach is unavailable and that I should leave a message or just hang up.

A message?! I get up the courage to finally call this girl and she can't be bothered to pick up the phone?! Maybe she really is out to get me! Or maybe she really was busy. I doubt it.

Perhaps Brenda will be diffrend. So I hit the green button until I hear a dial tone (yes I was using a house phone. The horror!) and call Brenda. The phone rings, my stomach flips, and I am greeted by another answering machine telling me to leave a message. Do my roommates even exist? What were the changes that neither would pick up their phones?

So, overall I have left two bumbling messages on two phones belonging to two complete strangers.

Delightful.

UPDATE!!
That was about two weeks ago. Since then I have spoken to both and they seem very sweet. Which is good, I have no way to defend myself it they do actually try to kill me.